"Plasma cannons charged and ready."
"Cannons? I thought you said plasma cathodes and TVs!"
With all due respect to the advertising industry, I’ve some pretty harsh stuff to say. :(
You know a restaurant chain’s really got nothing better to do when it starts installing plasma TVs in its joints and pipe in ads that shout yer all hip n’ unique so lay up, join the revolution n’ be yer own person, innit? Somehow uniqueness and individuality means dressing alike in clothes two sizes too small if you’re female and too big if you’re male, doing the same things, following the same crowd. (OK, there are exceptions; but this is the general impression.) But my point is, does any of this have anything to do with their food?
Maybe I’m just a message-blind sucker who can’t see hidden meanings for nuts. I always thought advertising was about clearly getting a brand image to the public in a way that makes them want to buy from you. Instead, what I wanted was to find the executive responsible for this, and delete ALL his computer files.
Anyway installing plasma screens to pipe in said ad all day long (and by the way, some choice Discovery Channel programming) is a nuisance at best. You don’t usually spend too long eating fast food (fast, duh), so for any TV programming to have meaning, material must be short, informative and to the point.
It wasn’t.
A half-hour (or so I thought) documentary on space travel played for 10 minutes. I thought hey, this looks cool. So when they cut to a commercial break I didn’t much mind. So I ate and waited and ate and waited… the show began again when I finished my last crumb 10 minutes later.
Another 10 minutes of show. Another commercial break for just as long… by then I’d finished my drink too, so I got up and left.
Fast? Coherent? I think not. Someone should clean up this pathetic mess before it really starts to ruin our appetites.
But what really cheesed me off was this: an ad played to any companies interested in advertising on the plasmas, proclaiming that more than 2 MILLION Singaporeans watch them every month. Watching a screen is one thing. Extracting meaning is another, dear advertisers. Remember that.
Medal of Dis-honor: Audio Assault
Just one more rant. Please.
I was in a branch of a VERY well-liked bookstore chain the other day. Bookstores attract me like a hardware shop would Dilbert, but this one had me fleeing in terror and swearing never to enter will that horrifying attack was going on.
I’m referring to piped-in children’s narratives, of course. Apparently the idea is that children pick stuff up better if you say it REAL slow, REAL loud, and with un-nat-tur-ral-ly long pauses between syllables. No complaints against that—I sure would hate to teach my kids that way, but to each his own here. What bookstores do NOT have the right to do is have a loudspeaker yell “I’ll – HUFF – and – I’ll PUFF – and – I’ll – blow – your – HOUSE – down!” while customers are trying to choose between Horowitz and Colfer, Dickens and Austen. People are trying to read here!
As the blitzkrieg went on I felt my heart accelerating. Every instinct screamed at me to flee as fast as my legs would take me—hell, I think I was beginning to hyperventilate too. So I replaced the book I was checking out, turned for the exit, and ran for dear life as hyper-loud, hyper-pitched syllables raged around me.
Great job on your customer, guys. I’ll never forget this.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Book review: Surviving Antarctica: Reality TV 2083
Strange world, isn’t it?
In a tragic way it’s the ratings-chasing of too many TV programmes that killed famed naturalist Steve Irwin two weeks ago, and continues to endanger the lives of people in a bid for fame. One blogger is quoted in the Digital Life magazine as calling the Discovery Channel a “modern-day version of the Running Man”, alluding to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about a TV show where grisly executions of criminals are staged and filmed. I'm sure you know where we’re going—in a culture that glorifies quick ratings fixes and cold numbers above all else, don’t be surprised if lives are thrown away in the scramble to have fresher, more innovative ideas brought to the screen. Fear Factor, anyone?
I thought back to this very issue after reading Andrea White’s Surviving Antarctica: Reality TV 2083. I’m always on the lookout for good Young Adult books, particularly since the quick-fix culture seems to have claimed me as a victim. I now rarely read full-length novels; a YA book gives me the pleasure of a solidly entertaining tale with as few twists and meanders as possible. And they’re (usually) short…
Anyway SART 2083, as I’ll refer to the book henceforth, is set in a future America (Reality TV 2083, duh) where a Department of Entertainment exists to bring education to children, in addition to entertainment that, quite frankly, isn’t that far of a stretch from today’s programming. Even the title is borrowed from the TV series Survivor, and the challenge driving the story is for a team of five fourteen-year-olds to re-enact the ill-fated expedition to the Pole by Captain Robert F. Scott in 1923. Trouble is, people really do relive and die, and the book never stops reminding you of that. Two men are killed in a D-Day edition of the show, and that’s just the beginning. Of course, Scott’s expedition was trouble-plagued from the start—Scott himself perished with four of his men.
And the references to Scott is where SART 2083 really shines. Large sections of Scott’s diaries, and the writings of the men with him, inspire our young heroes to weather the odds against them—White makes us root for the five, and a surprise ally thousands of miles away.
Overall SART 2083 proved an excellent read, if distracting. White’s plot moves along well enough, and the story remains true to character throughout—unfortunately she sacrifices a little coherence. We care about the kids too much to look away, and get in their heads too little to actually know what they’re thinking. For one character whose viewpoint White used extensively, we still don’t know if he fully recovers from frostbite by the end of the book. It was annoying and detracted from my enjoyment of the book, but then again that’s just my opinion.
Anyone disillusioned by so-called ‘reality’ TV, check this one out. You can’t beat the printed word.
In a tragic way it’s the ratings-chasing of too many TV programmes that killed famed naturalist Steve Irwin two weeks ago, and continues to endanger the lives of people in a bid for fame. One blogger is quoted in the Digital Life magazine as calling the Discovery Channel a “modern-day version of the Running Man”, alluding to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about a TV show where grisly executions of criminals are staged and filmed. I'm sure you know where we’re going—in a culture that glorifies quick ratings fixes and cold numbers above all else, don’t be surprised if lives are thrown away in the scramble to have fresher, more innovative ideas brought to the screen. Fear Factor, anyone?
I thought back to this very issue after reading Andrea White’s Surviving Antarctica: Reality TV 2083. I’m always on the lookout for good Young Adult books, particularly since the quick-fix culture seems to have claimed me as a victim. I now rarely read full-length novels; a YA book gives me the pleasure of a solidly entertaining tale with as few twists and meanders as possible. And they’re (usually) short…
Anyway SART 2083, as I’ll refer to the book henceforth, is set in a future America (Reality TV 2083, duh) where a Department of Entertainment exists to bring education to children, in addition to entertainment that, quite frankly, isn’t that far of a stretch from today’s programming. Even the title is borrowed from the TV series Survivor, and the challenge driving the story is for a team of five fourteen-year-olds to re-enact the ill-fated expedition to the Pole by Captain Robert F. Scott in 1923. Trouble is, people really do relive and die, and the book never stops reminding you of that. Two men are killed in a D-Day edition of the show, and that’s just the beginning. Of course, Scott’s expedition was trouble-plagued from the start—Scott himself perished with four of his men.
And the references to Scott is where SART 2083 really shines. Large sections of Scott’s diaries, and the writings of the men with him, inspire our young heroes to weather the odds against them—White makes us root for the five, and a surprise ally thousands of miles away.
Overall SART 2083 proved an excellent read, if distracting. White’s plot moves along well enough, and the story remains true to character throughout—unfortunately she sacrifices a little coherence. We care about the kids too much to look away, and get in their heads too little to actually know what they’re thinking. For one character whose viewpoint White used extensively, we still don’t know if he fully recovers from frostbite by the end of the book. It was annoying and detracted from my enjoyment of the book, but then again that’s just my opinion.
Anyone disillusioned by so-called ‘reality’ TV, check this one out. You can’t beat the printed word.
Monday, September 18, 2006
TOP TEN USES FOR A SWIMMING POOL
10.) Actually exercising.
9.) Pretending your swimsuit has another purpose besides catching attention.
8.) As the MOST prominent feature in condominium ads.
7.) As a symbol of decadent living, especially if empty.
6.) An empty, rubbish-filled one as a horror game setting a la Condemned: Criminal Origins.
5.) As a Chekov's prop in MediaCorp dramas--when a scene is shot beside one, a character must fall in before a new scene begins.
4.) See (5). A second character often jumps in to rescue the first, but realises he/she can't swim.
3.) For executing troublesome teenage secret agents (Stormbreaker).
2.) An excuse to get ultra-conservatives riled up (see 9)
1.) TOP SPOT GOES TO...
As a target for diving. When empty.
9.) Pretending your swimsuit has another purpose besides catching attention.
8.) As the MOST prominent feature in condominium ads.
7.) As a symbol of decadent living, especially if empty.
6.) An empty, rubbish-filled one as a horror game setting a la Condemned: Criminal Origins.
5.) As a Chekov's prop in MediaCorp dramas--when a scene is shot beside one, a character must fall in before a new scene begins.
4.) See (5). A second character often jumps in to rescue the first, but realises he/she can't swim.
3.) For executing troublesome teenage secret agents (Stormbreaker).
2.) An excuse to get ultra-conservatives riled up (see 9)
1.) TOP SPOT GOES TO...
As a target for diving. When empty.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Movie review: Singapore Dreaming
"What about your old army buddies?"
"Half of them are also trying to sell me insurance!"
I couldn't shake off the feeling Singapore Dreaming would be something different. First, it was the only local film I've dragged my butt to the cinema to see recently, and second, it begins with shots of the Esplanade, a HDB estate and stuff that instantly makes you feel so at home with the set and characters. Here at last is a story we can call our own, a story that stands up with the best of the 'foreign talent' that fills our theatres.
Does it really? Well... yes and no. There've been some great local movies; Money No Enough, 12 Stories... and, er... um... OK, let's add Singapore Dreaming, shall we?
The film has a solid story at its heart, one that allows us full empathy even with characters we've barely got to know. I wonder what Homer Simpson and his family would've thought of this one; male-dominated, female characters bickering over how they respond to fading into the background: "Nothing I did was enough for him!" Add a kid on the way to the mix, and there you have it; narrative tension, all nicely set up.
But this is NOT a laugh-a-minute jokefest unlike its predecessor, Talkingcock the Movie. The story is actually a dark, sad one--not enough to have to leave the kids at home, but one they'd better be mature enough to understand. When patriarch Loh Poh Huat wins the lottery, everything looks set for the family--until he keels over and dies of a heart attack. How do his wife and children cope? The search for the 5 C's--car, cash, credit card, condo and country club--never looked this futile.
"There's a 6th C. You know what that is? Coffin!"
Unlike many a fictional tale, there's no clearly-defined hero or villain. In fact, the characters are all the more compelling not because they're larger than life, but because they are us. (Except perhaps the one who habitually urinates in the lift. That's just funny.) The writers do an excellent job of fleshing characters out; and when the windfall and tragedy strikes, each acts true to his or her nature--so true, in fact, we can't help but root for them even as the family begins to fall apart. When daughter Mei demands her mother give her the lottery money so she can buy her child a condo, a car... we come full circle, and you get the picture. "Graduate" Seng (Dick Su) is especially pitiful--after failing to secure a job his dreams of establishing his own business are quickly derailed, and he loses everything. We sympathise with him, but revile him at the same time. The story ends on a note of hope, though, so it's not all doom and gloom...
But Singapore Dreaming isn't a watertight case. Some leaks do occur--like Mei's boss and his wife who're clearly just cardboard walk-ons. In fact, most everything they do looks like an excuse to make a point (Maid-bashers are bad! The maid will steal your condelence money! etc.). Their actions were, frankly, quite unrealistic... unless the writers intended it to be a caricature of our bottom-line-centred society where the money comes in, and your needs are simply necessary evils. Still, I thought this part could've been done better.
Overall though, Singapore Dreaming is a mirror in which we see ourselves (according to reviewer Neil Humphreys.). Don't see any reason to disagree with him--so come watch! Support-support our homegrown talents, leh!
"Half of them are also trying to sell me insurance!"
I couldn't shake off the feeling Singapore Dreaming would be something different. First, it was the only local film I've dragged my butt to the cinema to see recently, and second, it begins with shots of the Esplanade, a HDB estate and stuff that instantly makes you feel so at home with the set and characters. Here at last is a story we can call our own, a story that stands up with the best of the 'foreign talent' that fills our theatres.
Does it really? Well... yes and no. There've been some great local movies; Money No Enough, 12 Stories... and, er... um... OK, let's add Singapore Dreaming, shall we?
The film has a solid story at its heart, one that allows us full empathy even with characters we've barely got to know. I wonder what Homer Simpson and his family would've thought of this one; male-dominated, female characters bickering over how they respond to fading into the background: "Nothing I did was enough for him!" Add a kid on the way to the mix, and there you have it; narrative tension, all nicely set up.
But this is NOT a laugh-a-minute jokefest unlike its predecessor, Talkingcock the Movie. The story is actually a dark, sad one--not enough to have to leave the kids at home, but one they'd better be mature enough to understand. When patriarch Loh Poh Huat wins the lottery, everything looks set for the family--until he keels over and dies of a heart attack. How do his wife and children cope? The search for the 5 C's--car, cash, credit card, condo and country club--never looked this futile.
"There's a 6th C. You know what that is? Coffin!"
Unlike many a fictional tale, there's no clearly-defined hero or villain. In fact, the characters are all the more compelling not because they're larger than life, but because they are us. (Except perhaps the one who habitually urinates in the lift. That's just funny.) The writers do an excellent job of fleshing characters out; and when the windfall and tragedy strikes, each acts true to his or her nature--so true, in fact, we can't help but root for them even as the family begins to fall apart. When daughter Mei demands her mother give her the lottery money so she can buy her child a condo, a car... we come full circle, and you get the picture. "Graduate" Seng (Dick Su) is especially pitiful--after failing to secure a job his dreams of establishing his own business are quickly derailed, and he loses everything. We sympathise with him, but revile him at the same time. The story ends on a note of hope, though, so it's not all doom and gloom...
But Singapore Dreaming isn't a watertight case. Some leaks do occur--like Mei's boss and his wife who're clearly just cardboard walk-ons. In fact, most everything they do looks like an excuse to make a point (Maid-bashers are bad! The maid will steal your condelence money! etc.). Their actions were, frankly, quite unrealistic... unless the writers intended it to be a caricature of our bottom-line-centred society where the money comes in, and your needs are simply necessary evils. Still, I thought this part could've been done better.
Overall though, Singapore Dreaming is a mirror in which we see ourselves (according to reviewer Neil Humphreys.). Don't see any reason to disagree with him--so come watch! Support-support our homegrown talents, leh!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A righteous man cares for the needs of his animals...
... so goes Proverbs 12:10. I'm sure I join all of Singapore in saluting Steve Irwin; a man who went so far beyond that, and so well, we couldn't help but love him.
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