TRACKING…
The Middle East*
Central University**
Professor Martin J. Krappenharm
Guest Speaker, Faculty of Medicine
Day 11
09:34:41
SEARCHING… LOCATED
*Our colleagues tracking the central Russian mountains and former Soviet republics of East Asia have grasped the world concept of a “country”. As we are unable to fathom why they would want to do so, we have released an example of our own efforts on the information network known on Earth as “the Internet”. Access this page for an upload of our analysis.
** See above.
Subject is mounting a lectern. Request temporary suspension of mutism onset.
GRANTED.
Status of nanite application: DELAYED
Listening devices active.
Good morning, friends, colleagues, and students. I understand most of you are more here for extra credit than to truly examine the reasons behind the coincidental nuclear missile tests in Central Russia and the detonation of a similar weapon in the capital city of the Middle East—pardon my pitiful grasp of geography—but allow me to remind you of the medical significance of such a disaster. Never in my entire life have I been privileged to examine several very odd specimens of humanity, if we can call them that.
Let’s begin. My first examination came shortly after NEST teams declared the area in and around said city safe to enter if you were wearing a full radiation suit, a ton of gear, and a Geiger counter that distracts you by screaming in your ear whenever you approach anything important.
Ahem.
My team was assigned the crash site of a United States Marine Corps CH-46 Sea Knight helicopter, lost with all hands—several corpses were located in the vicinity, including one particularly interesting specimen I must share with you when I’ve calmed down enough to proceed further. This subject apparently survived the initial crash but succumbed to a broken leg and enough radiation to wake Godzilla were he brave enough to face a bunch of fanatical jiha… um, I mean freedom fighters.
His name, I found through his nametag and the timely released of heretofore top secret Marine records (don’t ask me how), was Sergeant Paul Jackson, hereafter referred to as “Subject X” for all the personality he supposedly had in life. In an extremely strange case, recorded in only a handful of individuals (all of whom served in World War II in different armies, no less) he did not possess a throat, rendering him incapable of speech. How a USMC sergeant can get by without issuing a single command is something I will leave to higher authority than myself—troops who knew him had very little to say, good or bad. Indeed, if he at any point commanded a fireteam we have yet to hear from them. In the place of X’s throat was a radio receiver, which fittingly could not send messages. Marine corpsmen I spoke to were likewise baffled, and I let one of them put his condition, and his complete lack of any discernable personality, down to pre-natal radiative mutation in the absence of any better explanation.
(My own report on X’s psychic link has been postponed till I can arrange an appointment with the reclusive yogis of Mount Fippsgame Temple, India, who assure me total bodily control by beings beyond time and space is not only possible, but frequent.)
Further anomalies were observed, for which the only known cases also date from WW2. X’s ability to heal from wounds is a common syndrome nowadays, from data only recently made public. I invite you to turn to your files from the anti-terrorist op in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, which apparently was the work of three individual troops with this automatic healing ability clearing the entire city of an army’s worth of shooters. I hope the condition does not spread further, or our line of work is in serious trouble.
X’s remains pose interesting questions—the aforesaid ability does not include damage due to broken bones or radiation, and too much damage too soon has been known to cause death as well. Where does this selectiveness come from? If any of you have theories or ideas—no gods or aliens or whatnot, please—see me after the lecture.
All I have described is from a professional standpoint. Personally I have many doubts about the professionalism of the USMC, particularly the 1st Force Recon Battalion, with whom X served. In an astonishing oversight which has never been recorded before or since, no radiation-protection suits were used despite ready availability and ample warning of a nuclear threat in the city. Were he in a standard issue MOPP-4 anti-radiation suit, it would probably be Sergeant Paul Jackson himself addressing you today, had he vocal chords to speak with.
The military-minded will note that his platoon leader, one Lieutenant Vasquez, believed himself divinely-protected and invulnerable, and repeatedly showed evidence of a suicidal death wish for both himself and his men. This was indicated by his failure to assign corpsmen to the unit, and drilling it in tactics that amounted to variations of rushing enemy strongholds head-on.
One of Jackson’s last acts, on the authority of one Staff Sergeant Griggs (USMC, KIA) was rescuing the pilot of a downed AH-1 helicopter gunship only to be caught in the ensuing nuclear blast. “Realism”, some may call it, as if this debacle were taking place in a computer game; I call it “bad storytelling”. A completely useless action by the hero (which X appears to be) would be unacceptable to my publishers, who dabble in fiction. Any writers in the audience? They are accepting submissions. From one client to another, do NOT write like this.
Back on point, X’s physical anomalies are also present in another subject extracted from Central Russia. (For the record, this man had an additional ability to manipulate computer keyboards without touching them. I will bring this matter up with the sages of Mount Fippsgame, who admit this anomaly is extremely rare.) He may have personally killed Ultranationalist Party leader Imran Zakhaev, but in the absence of his speech I was told through my sources that he is a Special Forces trooper named “Soap” MacTavish. He will be kept for further study, and is being probed as we speak by colleagues.
No, there is no pun intended. You with the AK on the side of the hall, put it down.
I cannot conclude without noting a connected issue a colleague brought to my attention. Namely, the lineage of MacTavish’s commanding officer, one Captain Price (first name withheld). It appears a figure bearing the same last name and looking exactly like Price today was recorded as having served with the Royal Air Force, the SAS and the 7th Armoured Division simultaneously… a time-travel paradox only the sages may hold the answers to, or hitherto unknown advances in longevity science.
Doubtless the chain of events had many preventable lapses, and we may never know the truth behind the missile tests. It is my prayer the next time this occurs, which it seems to with alarming frequency, the game avatars of the United States Marine Corps invest in better care for their troops… and not promote a mutism-afflicted individual to the rank of Sergeant. And it is my sad duty to recommend a name for the affliction. I propose COD, Cognitive Organisation Disorder, which I am very sure one of you will take to stand for Call of Duty.
That is all. You’ve been a great audi… hey, what—
We regret to inform all in attendance that Prof. Krappenharm has been taken ill, suffering from the same symptoms he identified in his speech. A radio transmitter-receiver was found lodged in his throat (which was decomposing at an alarming rate), beaming his location to a point in orbit, monitored by unknown parties believed to have been tracking the Subjects he indicated. Especially alarming is the discovery of these symptoms in the late former Middle Eastern President Al-Fulani, just prior to his execution.
In other news…
TRACKING…
The Middle East
Central University
Professor Martin J. Krappenharm
Guest Speaker, Faculty of Medicine
Day 11
09:40:02*
SEARCHING… LOCATED
STATUS: CONTROLLED
*WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING COUNTING SECONDS WHEN WE HAVE THE POWER TO TRACK AND POSSESS ANY MEMBER OF ANY MILITARY ON THE PLANET???**
** REPLY FROM COMMAND: SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK --- ARCHIVE THIS CONVERSATION? (Y/N)
Hi, I’m back. Ratings time:
H – Lousy Marine tactics. No corpsmen. No MOPP-4s. Too much technical research that could have gone into giving the protoganists names, faces and more importantly… voices. But there is decent storytelling, only the graphics engine is wasted on it. (5/10)
O – I think Tom Clancy did it already. Except the nuking-the-Marines part, which is just, in my opinion, stupid. (3/10)
N – Fun, fun, fun. While it lasts and you turn your ears off the “story integrity” frequency, and kindly ignore the AI when it gets you killed over and over. (7/10)
O – (Activate extra-childish voice) I wanted wanted wanted it to be better! You said it would be better! (pouts) (4/10)
(re-activate normal voice)
U – Profile system good. Auto-save system bad. Arcade mode… must be seen to be believed. Not in a good way. Seems they cancel each other out, a 5/10 in my book.
R – Seeing as we paid S$57 for it, and it’s longer than MoH: Airborne… (9/10)
FINAL SCORE: 7.0/10. Not good, not bad. But fun.
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